ka-monstah…

hate you… tsk… tsk… tsk… halimaw ka kasi eh… we (ako tsaka sya) should’ve been together if not for you and your “tiny dancer” serenade… totally fell for it but i was happy until i died… and then i got back… and it was too late… hay, bigat…

bus stop…

Waiting… waiting… waiting sucks… Especially if waiting is all you can do… Nothing else…

downe… = )

Something has got to give. Or someone has got to give. That someone would be me. For fairness sake I may need to give you up. (fairness my sun kissed tush, hahaha). Perhaps give up not for fairness sake, but for her sake. Perhaps I shouldn’t say that. Crazy. For a long time I have ignored the fact that I’m hurting another and myself. Ignorance is a bliss though (so they say). But how can you live with the fact that you’re hurting somebody and yourself? When you know that this is something you can control. Love, maybe.

 

Love is a force of nature. I will forever be grateful to have been touched by such a sweet force in many ways. I have had my share of pain maybe more than what I have bargained for. All these pain for moments of bliss with you. I try not to think about it too much. I try not to let myself dwell on it too much, because if I do, I will die.

 

042308

wednesday-sweetday-love this day!

Last Wednesday was a great day for me. I thought we were soulmates. We were free spirits roaming around heaven.

wednesday song…

I see you closing down the restaurant
Let’s sneak and do it when your boss is gone
Everybody’s leaving we’ll have some fun
Or maybe it’s wrong but you’re turning me on.
Ooh, we’ll take a visit to your Mama’s house
Creep to the bedroom while your Mama’s out
Maybe she’ll hear it when we scream and shout
And we’ll keep it rocking until she comes knocking

Let’s go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we’ll go too far
We just don’t care,
We just don’t care,
We just don’t…

Let’s make love,
Let’s go somewhere they might discover us.
Let’s get lost in lust
We just don’t care,
We just don’t care,
We just don’t care.

If we keep up on this fooling around
We’ll be the talk of the town
I’ll tell the world I’m in love any time
Let’s open up the blinds ’cause we really don’t mind

Ooh I don’t care about the propriety
Let’s break the rules and ignore society
Maybe our neighbors like to spy, it’s true
So what if they watch when we do what we do

Pangasinan…

April 19 to 20, 2008. Alaminos, Pangasinan. We went to 100 islands. Again, I let myself be kissed by the sweet sun.

smashed guitar…

 drawing by Erin Nation…

When is this going to stop? I’m tired. Of  crying… of thinking… of maybe… of perhaps… of what if… of waiting… For the longest time I thought of you. I love you… But all these I did too late. Too late to make you mine.

 

I feel heavy. My chest just wants burst. I try to be ok but it just makes it worse. I try not to cry but I can’t. I try to define this, and I end up with madness. I go crazy. I crave but to no avail.

I promised myself to stop. Maybe just for a while. Hoping that this is just a phase. It’ll go like today. But I fail. I fail. I fail. Hate, it’s just too much to bear.

5

    Five minutes in the closet with you…

one-liners

Marinating my thoughts. I would never think of using the word “marinate” as a verb to describe the act of absorbing or deciding on a thought. Cute, isn’t it?

 

You would never find the perfect one… You need to blend… With my dark complexion, it is hard to look for the right shade of lipstick. Well, this may be true to all complexions. This may be the reason why we need to blend. Thus, to put on a good base, then apply another color and lastly a bit of gloss. Only in doing so could we achieve the perfect lip color. It may be labor extensive but it is fun. So does in looking for the “one”.

lampara

Light. I need light. Literally. I needed light in my bedroom. Not that I don’t have any but I need a night light or a lampshade. I guess I’ve wanted to buy a desk lampshade for along time, it just won’t fit my mood. Finally, on a sunny Saturday, I bought one from galleria. Then I passed by a bookstore and bought a book or books. Love in the time of Cholera and Atonement. I felt good buying all these stuff. It probably was a long time since I bought something like these.

 

With a confused head, I went home. Had my lampshade fixed on top of my table and opened my books. I fixed my bed. And then my drawer. Hoping this would clear my head. It helped, a little. And then I knew about Helen and Jessica. They surely brought light. A sweet light.

 

killer…

The sad part of all these is reality and the fact that there’s no one to turn to. Then it starts to feel heavy. And then i just cry. I breathe and then it gets harder. Tears running down my face. I try to smile, but I end up crying harder. This was not the first time. And so, this should be easy or at least I should be used to having this feeling. But I deal with it just the same over and over… How do I stop this?

 

While i’m in this state, I try to remember how it started (if it even started at all). What I said before might have been correct. I just miss you. I think of you. And its hard. I want to call you a thousand times or maybe just a hundred. Hehe. There are so many things I’d like to share with. So many things I’d love to do with you. It just breaks me when I have to wait for my sweet time to come. Crazy.

 

Is love enough for me to hang on? I think so. This may be the reason why I’m just around. Often times laughing… secretly crying… silently praying… I’ll be fine.

regular

Thursday, April 10, 2008. Jeck treated us for dinner. Regular ka na woohoo! Libre ulit…

you give me crazy love…

Crazy Love 

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles

And the heavens open every time she smiles

And when I come to her thats where I belong

Yet Im running to her like a rivers song

 

Chorus:

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

 

Shes got a fine sense of humor when Im feeling low down

And when I come to her when the sun goes down

Take away my trouble, take away my grief

Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

 

Chorus:

Yes I need her in the daytime

Yes I need her in the night

Yes I want to throw my arms around her

Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight

 

And when Im returning from so far away

She gives me some sweet lovin brighten up my day

Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole

Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

 

ina ko…

I love my mom, thus, I wear what she wears. Hehehe. She made the dress we wore in the picture. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww…

thirsty?

Cheech no!….