comfort in your strangeness…

sometimes i wish i knew how to quit you…

and then i feel you…

i hold your hand…

i hear you…

and then i just wish to stay in this comforting strangeness…

karma…

loving someone who used to love you…

about one saturday…

i miss my saturday… my “i-don’t-have-to-worry-day”… my beer and my partner… words and laughter… beer and ice… getting lost and getting found… listening and hurting… wishing i was in her shoes… thinking i could have done better… regretting not having told what has to be said… but eternally grateful for having spent a few hours with you my angel my pare… enough said…

drunk with this song…

“Strange & Beautiful (I’ll Put A Spell On You)”
Aqualung

I’ve been watching your world from afar,
I’ve been trying to be where you are,
And I’ve been secretly falling apart, unseen.
To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful,
You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see,
You turn every head but you don’t see me.

I’ll put a spell on you,
You’ll fall asleep and I’ll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I’ll be the first thing you see
And you’ll realise that you love me.

Yeah…
Yeah…

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes…

I’ll put a spell on you,
You’ll fall asleep,
I’ll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I’ll be the first thing you see,
And you’ll realise that you love me.

I’ll put a spell on you,
You’ll fall asleep ‘cos I’ll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I’ll be the first thing you see,
And you’ll realise that you love me, yeah…

i was just thinking…

I’ve been thinking…

When I have a loved one but that person’s heart belongs to someone else, do I really mean it when I say that I just want that person to be happy even if its not with me?

All that I think about is you. I want you to be the first and last thing I see every single day. Just looking at you gives me butterflies and for that moment in time I don’t care about anything else but how much my heart is beating full of love. Whenever I’m with you I never settle for mediocrity but always try to be the best that I can ever be. Whenever I’m with you I always want to have even a bit of physical contact, whether it be your knees or elbows touching or just my fingers right beside yours, knowing you’re that close relaxes and makes my heart smile.

Well I would have to say yes, I would mean it because even if I do feel all of the above your happiness would still be what I want…. even if my heart would be crushed and torn apart…. your happiness would always be what I really want… pathetic…

About me…

i love to think. i often times test my sanity. i like to stare at the clouds even if it makes my cry . i love to eat and feel sorry that i ate too much. i used to read books a whole lot. happy, crazy, wierd, ugly. i go for simple things in life, cheap thrills, a walk in the park, beach; a good book to read, family, friends…. always have a thought, often times laughin’, secretly crying, silently praying, unconditionally loving. 

i want to stare into space and do nothing for the rest of my life…if you believe that, then you really know me hehe!!!!
Maybe people need to get to know the real me.
there’s more to me than what you see or hear about me. i am a contradiction of sorts. i try to be a perfectionist, a realist, an idealist and all those other-ists, but i always get lost in the process. i need to have a lot of everything, i feel safer that way.  i try to set my sights low, frustrating myself in the process because i want to be at the apex. i try to be quiet when i am really screaming inside. i try to be mad but i still have that smile. i make sense but talk nonsense. like now…hehe
oh, i like hugs and i need a lot right now.

Liham ni ka-Jules…

mga kaibigan;
 
kamusta na kayong lahat? sana madatnan kayo ng liham na ito na masaya, walang agam-agam, at punong-puno ng kaligayahan.
 
ilang buwan na ang nakalipas nang una tayong magkakila-kilala. naalala ko pa, si Dixie ang una kong nakilala noon. si marion ang nagpakilala sa akin sa harap ng klase, at tandang-tanda ko pa kung gaano kagaling magpatawa ng mokong na iyon. nakilala ko si al at kahlil, dalawang komikero na may pangarap, at si marlon dahil sa beke niyang bigla na lang sumulpot sa kaliwang bahagi ng kanyang mukha. nakilala ko si MV at hindi ko lubos-maisip na galing din pala siya sa kumpanyang pinangalingan ko. nakilala at naging kaibigan si france dahil sa mga litrato niya galing sa casey cam, at si jc dahil sa kakulitan niyang taglay.
 
alas-sais ng madaling araw. iyon na siguro ang pinakamasayang oras na naranasan ko sa loob ng opisinang ito. alas-sais ng umaga madalas kaming magkuwentuhan nina volt, niel, noel, at chavi tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay sa mga buhay-buhay sa may lobby doon sa ika-anim na palapag. alas-sais ng umaga pupunta kami sa training room malapit sa mga DA, makikipagkulitan kina Brian ( na siya sigurong pinakamatagal kong nakasama, nakakulitan, at naging kaibigan sa batch ) nicky, annie, at JC habang nag-iisip kung paano maayos na mabibigkas ni JC ang mga salitang gaya ng Albuquerque, habang sa gilid namin makikita ang grupo ng nina KJ, Jenan, Pam, Leyla at Gooey na nag-iisip kung paano tatalunin ang aming magaling na team.
 
Nandiyan din ang dramang nangyari kay Noel nang muntik na siyang malaglag sa training, ang kuwentuhan tungkol sa mga cellphone at gadgets kasama sina benjo, ang walang patumanggang pagpapatugtog ng video ng isang broken-hearted na kuneho ni al, at ang paglisan ni nimfa.
 
nadiskubre din nating malaki ang kargada ni chavito boy katam, at nadiskubre rin nating dating child star pala si tonyo boy liit. nakita ang epekto ng pagpapa-rebond nang magpa-rebond si AJ at nagmukha siyang intsik na addict sa f4.
 
nadiskubre rin natin ang pagiibigan ng dalawang pusong sawi. sana nga lang magpatuloy pa ang pagmamahalang iyon.
 
ngayon, tapos na ang limang buwan.
 
wala nang calls. wala nang libreng chibog sa may pantry.
 
wala na ang pakikipagkulitan sa mga L1. wala nang e-time at e-out.
 
pero ang masaya nito, kayo, hindi mawawala.
 
pero hayaan niyo akong magpasalamat sa limang buwan na binigyang kulay niyo ang sepia-mode kong buhay. maraming salamat sa pagbibigay ninyo ng dahilan para manatili akong buhay sa loob ng presong ito. maraming salamat sa mga pasa-load at libreng sakay mula kay chavi, salamat sa raisinets na nakatago sa kahon ng plantronics mula kay marlon, sa extrang ulam mula kay al, sa mga pambubugbog at panlilibre ni MV (puro panlilibre ha), salamat sa mga irate responses ni Noel, sa mga bondat-bondat dance steps ni baby k, sa mga casey cam pics at libreng beer ni france, mga porn films mula kay goey, mga kuwentuhan at inuman sa bahay ni voltaire (ninong kami sa anak niyo ni Lotis ha), sa mga litratong kuha ni nicky, sa mga kalokohan at sa pagbabantay habang tulog ako noong training kay benjo, sa mga kulitan kasama si JC, sa inspirasyong ibinigay ni KJ sa mga boys, sa pambubugbog ni leyla, sa mga ngiti ni jenan, sa pagpapatawad ni annie noong ginawan ko siya ng portrait, kay dixie at sa kanyang cute na toenails, kay kapitan marion at sa kanyang malamyos na tinig, kay AJ at ang kanyang buhok, kay niel at sa lahat ng ipinaalam niya sa akin, at kay brian sa ilang buwang naging kasama ko ang winnie the poohtang iyan. hehehe
 
salamat din kina paola at kristel sa cute na boses habang nagta-transfer at pagkakaibigang naikulong nga lang sa apat na sulok ng MSN 9, kay chai sa cute niyang mukha, at sa lahat ng l1 na naging kaibigan ko sa loob ng ilang buwan kong pamamalagi dito.
 
malamang may hindi ako nabanggit. patawad na lang, medyo mataas ang bp ko kasi ngayon eh kaya medyo hilo ako. sorry talaga.
 
salamat sa pagkakaibigan, guys. this is not the end, ika nga. i’ll see you guys again.
 
thank you so much for calling Jules. It’s been a pleasure. Have a great day. Goodbye.

Hello world!

hello!